7 Quick Takes – Miscarriage Edition

1. I have my first appointment with an infertility doctor today. Pray for me. Pray for him too, I'm not in an especially benevolent mood. Frankly, I don't see why my regular OB can't do the tests, but he won't.

2. Speaking of my regular OB, we have a distinct difference of opinion on the ethics of treating whatever is causing my recurrent miscarriages. He doesn't see very much difference between treating whatever is wrong with me and things like IVF, egg freezing, etc. I opined that my children aren't my possessions, to be obtained and disposed of as I wished. He said, well they obviously are doing something you don't like. I retorted that I would really rather GeekBaby not die on me either.

But really, trying to prevent recurrent miscarriages is the same as treating them as things?? What the hell? I'd be remiss in my maternal obligation to my children if I didn't try to cure whatever health problem I have that prevents them from surviving. My miscarriages are going to haunt me till the day I die.

Sadly, modern medicine has no interest in trying to fix a busted female reproductive system. They're great at breaking it, and they're great at hacking it to work without actually fixing it. But to fix it? No money in that.

3. I cried when I read this article on family size last week. I'm so thoroughly exhausted with people asking how many children we have. How the hell do I even answer it? Seven? One living? Just GeekBaby? The worst is people that assume I'm some hypocrite, because they remember the me from college blything opining that I wanted at least four, and hey, she's been married for almost nine years, and only has one. *derision*

4. On a lighter note, I have a new title for the blog. I'll write more extensively on it later, but it's been a busy couple of weeks, and it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

5. I have the most awesome idea for our home oratory. I love icons above all other devotional art, for their beauty and intensity and the sense that when I look through them I look outside of time and space. But the only icon we have is our San Damiano crucifix. Wouldn't it be wonderful to acquire icons of my family's personal patrons and hang them in the oratory?

The only problem with this is my name. While Rebecca is not an obscure Old Testament name, I can never find medals for her, and I suspect the same is true of icons. I may resort to Saint Augustine to represent me, since my birthday is on his feast day.

6. The iOS Pinterest app is now universal. I anticipate losing a lot more time to Pinterest, now that it's easier to browse there.

7. We went to the new Paleo hall at the Houston Museum of Natural Science last Saturday. Mad Mo and her husband and their soon-to-be-Dominican houseguest came too, and we were glad to see them! The new dinosaur exhibit is incredible. It's so good that we abandoned zoo membership in favor of museum membership. The museum has air conditioning, which in Houston is a distinct advantage. We passed over two hours there before we realized it. Then we got hungry, so we abandoned the museum in favor of dim sum.

In other news, GeekBaby will try pretty much anything at dim sum… while he's hungry. Once he gets decently full, he starts being picky again. Sadly this means he misses out on the desserts. Ah well, more for Himself and me!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

UPDATE: This doctor is not a jerk, and he's not too oily. We're doing the whole miscarriage panel and karyotype analysis, and he's confident we'll have it sorted within a month. I dunno. If it was that easy, why did all my other doctors give me the runaround?

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15 Responses to 7 Quick Takes – Miscarriage Edition

  1. Foxfier says:

    Yeah, the “let’s use a sledgehammer! Why are you even interested in something more delicate?!?” stuff gets on my nerves, too.

    Depending on how willing you are to talk about it, you might try answering the “how many kids?” question with “only one has made it, so far.” A lot of women have lost their kids– thank God, not me, yet– before they could be born, and I notice a lot of them have a hard time figuring out how to convey it.

    • GeekLady says:

      My theory is that it’s entirely a luteal phase deficiency. But I prefer to treat the deficiency and be healthy rather than just take hideously expensive progesterone supplements every first trimester, and as far as my reading has taken me, there are no main stream treatments. Standard OR experimental. Some of the Creighton centers are supposed to have treatments for some hormone issues, but I can’t afford to go to them. It’s maddening.

  2. Cat says:

    Yeah, my old OBGYN told me that I was crazy for not being interested in the latest and greatest reproductive technologies. He told me that lots of other Catholics didn’t feel the same way. I should have fired him then. There are good people out there who will be respectful. Keep believing that and they will find their ways into your life.

  3. Mad Auntie Mo says:

    As a childless woman who was not able to conceive even *before* cancer removed the possibility completely, I find this subject hits home hard. I have learned to answer, “Do you have kids?” with “We weren’t blessed that way” when I want to say, “Why I don’t have kids is none of *your* business.” Really, people, someone else’s reproductive status should never be a topic of conversation unless the someone else has brought it up. Bitter, me? Nah.

    And you know what? EVERY woman of childbearing years whose reproductive history I am in any position to know has had fertility issues of one kind or another. Seriously. We are all of us hurting in some way, and doctors, especially MALE doctors, would do well to remember that.

    • GeekLady says:

      I understand asking the question, it’s a very natural question to ask. It’s really specific phrasing and tones that get to me. The “Is he your only one?” with this little twist of the facial expression is enough to switch my expression from hobbity cheer to greasy smear in a nanosecond. Combox Inquisitors can be just as obnoxious in real life.

  4. melaniebett says:

    Praying for you. I’d be going crazy with that kind of attitude from doctors too. Round here I suspects it’s impossible to find doctors who will try to treat the cause of the miscarriage rather than jump to IVF etc.

    I like the new blog title. Look forward to hearing more about it.

    I’ve found that sourcing icons directly to Orthodox sources gets you much better selection. I bought a bunch of prints for my family from the Orthodox convent of St Elizabeth a few years ago so that each of my three older kids has an icon of one of their patron saints. They were great quality prints, though odd sizes and thus hard to frame. It is so awesome to finally have an image of my own patron, St Melanie. She is impossible to find at Catholic stores, being an Eastern saint. (My parents chose the name in part because they’d attended liturgy at a St Melania’s Byzantine church in Tuscon.)

    Anyway, you’re in luck! A Google search found a few options for St Rebecca. Here’s one: http://www.archangelsbooks.com/proddetail.asp?prod=HTM-A112

    another one here: http://www.comeandseeicons.com/r/inp50.htm

    I can’t wait to see pictures of the updated oratory once you acquire some icons.

    • GeekLady says:

      Thank you for the prayers. The sad thing is that this is the OB I like! He’s the least bullying, but blunt. I probably deserve him. My last OB was nicer spoken, but it was strenuous business disagreeing with him.
      And thank you for those Google searches! I had looked a little, but hadn’t come up with much. I’ve even contemplated writing my own icons, but that would be a steep, steep learning curve. Tempting, given my nature, but maybe a mistake. 🙂

  5. nancyo says:

    I began taking icon classes 5 years ago. The curve is not as steep as you might imagine and so rewarding. I don’t think I know what region of the country you’re in, but I’ll be more than happy to share information and experience – really.

    • GeekLady says:

      Oh wow, I’d love to know the process of writing icons. Thank you! We live in the Houston area. There was an icon writing class here I think last winter, but it was during the work day and about $200 apiece, so it wasn’t viable. I would love to learn though.

      • nancyo says:

        Classes are useful for learning icon painting, but are neither cheap nor often convenient. Are you arty in general? That does help, although it’s not as mandatory as many many other forms of art. I didn’t see contact info on your site, but you can find my email from this comment and get in touch with me that way.

        • GeekLady says:

          I will email you after this week is finished. It’s been a particularly rough one, and I haven’t had time for much more than working, eating, snuggling the boy, and sleeping.

  6. Barb says:

    I’ve been through several GYNs myself; there was that secondary infertility that I never did bother to have treated…and then there were the complications. Just curious–have they done any checking to see if you have endometriosis? That’s the diagnosis I finally had, and the pieces all fell into place.
    Prayers that you find a way to be healthy and have a healthy pregnancy in your future–and that the doctors you see are understanding and good listeners and respectful of your beliefs.

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