GeekBaby is so big now. I thought he was big when he was born, when we brought him home from the hospital, but I was wrong. He was so tiny, all nine pounds of him, that his crib seemed to swallow him. I could cradle him with one arm. A big baby everyone said, but he was still so very tiny.
And now, at 3 months, he’s so big. He’s come perilously close to doubling his birthweight. At two months he was 15 lbs. 3.5 oz. Now I estimate he’s over 16. He sleeps in the crook of my crossed legs and makes them tired. I can’t cradle him with one arm anymore. When I do cradle him, his feet stick out into the armrest of any chair I sit in. In the mei tai, his head comes up to my chin. He’s as big as a six month old. He smiles. He laughs. He makes burbles and growls and coos when I sing silly songs at him, like he’s trying to sing along. He looks at me with mischief in his eyes. He clings to my shoulder looking around and perches his little bum on my forearm, for all the world like I’m a falconer and he’s a falcon waiting to be thrown.
And I’m finding I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for him to be so big and heavy and strong and eager to take on the world. I look at him and wonder where my little baby went.