Monique and David

I agree with BC. What you want is a healthy, happy baby. Everything else is gas. In our own childbirth class, our instructor handed out 10 cards to each couple, with things we wanted out of labor/delivery on them, such as “pain free birth” or “natural childbirth” or “home birth” etc… and one of them was “healthy, normal baby”. She asked each couple to sort them from most important to least important. Guess which one was the most important to every single couple there? It helped us realize that, though we had many hopes and expectations for delivery, there really was only one thing that was truly important out of the whole deal. Given your history as told on this site, I’m sure you know that far better than most. Go with what you feel is right… but be prepared to compromise on the small stuff.

My wife also wanted a natural, no-drug childbirth and we were fortunate enough to have a hospital and nursing staff that supported that goal. Things didn’t exactly go to plan… the little one decided to head out two weeks early just as the worst snowstorm of the year was starting, for example. But we came fairly close. It was a long labor and we ended up allowing some morphine to try to let my wife sleep, and they also gave her some ptossen (sp?) to help her dilate faster. But aside from that, it was pretty much the way nature intended. Which is not to say it was easy. But my wife was great, the staff was great, and if I ever hear anyone refer to women as the weaker sex after this I will punch their lights out.

But what really leads me to post is some advice I’d have, not so much for you (you’ll have more important things to do) but for your husband. I don’t know if it will be useful advice for him, (every labor is different) but I sure wish someone had told it to me before ours. So please forgive me for being forward and offering it without asking, and please delete it if you find it to be TMI or not wanted.

For the first part of the “real” labor I was a lousy coach. Not from lack of trying, but from lack of experience. It was only after one of the floor nurses stepped in for a few minutes and (by example) showed me what good coaching was that I understood what was necessary. From that experience, I kind of distilled down three suggestions;

Tom’s three suggestions for husbands:

#1 You may not know what you’re doing and you wife may not know what she is doing but don’t worry about it because your wife’s body *does* know what it is doing. The hospital staff is only there in case (for whatever reason) her body can’t do what it needs to do. So relax a bit and take each stage as it comes. Like the night before Christmas, you can’t make things happen any faster by waiting up for them. Which leads directly to #2…

#2 It’s called “labor” for a reason. Since this is your first time going through it you will likely be very excited and won’t want to sleep. You must learn to be like a good soldier and *sleep as much as you can* and make sure she sleeps as much as she can too. You both have to pace yourselves and save as much energy as you can for the sprint at the end… because there IS a sprint at the end. Trust me.

#3 The lovely, intelligent person you married, have lived with and have gone to all the childbirth classes with is *not* the person you will be going through labor with. The person you will be going through labor with is a lot more like Dory from “Finding Nemo”. She will have no short-term memory. I’m serious. Once true labor starts a lot of things will be happening to her. She will be very distracted. Her body will be throwing chemicals that probably don’t even have names at her brain and that’s not even counting the gymnastics the baby will be doing. So once that starts you have to be like the energizer bunny. She will *not* remember that you told her you loved her five minutes ago, she will *not* remember that you told her she could have ice any time “just ask”, she will *not* think to ask to have you wipe her face. You have to be 100% proactive. Just because she didn’t want something 5 minutes ago doesn’t mean she won’t want it now. So remember the energizer bunny image. Check her comfort about every thirty seconds. wipe her face, get her ice, find out if she wants warmth or cold, she may or may not want to be touched, she will want reassurance, make sure the music (hopefully you have some) is right, make sure she knows you love her. If there’s something going on that she can’t see (and she can’t see most of this) be sure and describe it to her. Or fetch a mirror, so she can see, though sometimes she might not want to see, in case forget the mirror…

Ok that was about 1-5 minutes. Now repeat the whole thing all over again because, as I’ve said, she likely won’t remember that you did it the first time. Hopefully you have followed step #2 and have the energy for this.

In our delivery, my wife’s water broke almost 24 hours before the “real” labor started and we hadn’t slept in almost all that time. Just about the time that I had to be the energizer bunny I was literally shaking with exhaustion. But there is an upside to the extreme focus the woman goes through; my wife really doesn’t remember a lot of the labor, just the moment of joy when our newborn son was put in her arms. Good luck to both of you, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.

The goal in question being a healthy baby, obviously, not getting myself drugged up to the eyeballs! Just noticed that reads a bit funny!

Cheers

BC

For what it’s worth, I’d recommend you do what feels right and just keep an open mind.

I wanted a water birth, at home but as the time came closer and the complications piled up, I realised that actually all I really wanted was to have a healthy baby and if that meant drugging me up to the eyeballs, so be it.

In the end, I had the birth I needed to have to achieve that goal. It wasn’t what I imagined, it wasn’t how I would have liked it to have been but it was no less valid and still an amazing experience. All that really matters is the people who are with you and looking after you and the baby you get at the end of it.

Don’t let other people mess with your mojo! Do what feels right for you and your little one and if that means fighting your corner, changing your mind or just having to be flexible, do what it takes. When the time comes if that does mean a little gas and air it’s not the end of the world, believe me!

Cheers

BC

I’ve been in the situation — years ago, now — of being so ill that I couldn’t fight back or even summon the energy to protest a little at some grossly unfair and non-right treatment. I remember this. And it ENRAGES me.

I am now fully enraged on your behalf. If I ever find out who that doctor who said that to you is, and he ever runs across my path, I will kick him in the shins and smack him upside the head repeatedly for you.

“American health care is the best in the world”, bullshit. It is if you are very rich, and lucky.

You can have a drug-free birth at a hospital and you can plan to have a safe and gentle birth where ever you are the most comfortable to give birth, hospital, birth center, or at home.

Take a look at my book, “Pregnancy & Childbirth Secrets”, or any childbirth book. Another good book is “Birthing from Within” a new one just out called “Painless Childbirth”. This is researching birth from a woman’s perspective. We do have great secrets to pass on to each other.

Take a look at the quick videos on our site when you have a moment at http://web.mac.com/pregnancysecrets.
Congratulations and best wishes, Gail J. Dahl

I got so knackered, the idea of two hourly feeds all night seems like sweet relief.

Have fun!

Cheers

BC

Hope you feel better soon!

Cheers

BC